It's all his fault!

A very common tactic of alienators is to try to place all blame for all their problems on the other parent. This can range from telling the child they can't afford something because their other parent doesn't pay enough child support, or that they are in the financial situation they are in because their other parent deserted them, to exaggerating events when the rejected parent cannot accommodate something.

For example, the alienating parent may attempt to make plans for the child and finds that the other parent is not able to accommodate such plans, either financially or time wise. The alienating will hen lay blame on the parent and instead of telling the child 'Your mom/dad really wanted to help/be there, but they cannot at this time, maybe we can try again later', they will say something more to the effect of 'you won’t be able to go now because your other parent does not really want you to go there' or 'is too busy for you' or 'spent his money on selfish things other than you'. The alienator may even go so far as to tell friends and neighbours that the other parent did not want to do something good for the child.

If your ex is doing this to you with your children, remember to not do the same back to your child. It is not the child's fault to be manipulated as such. You can try to gently let them know that you did want to contribute/be there, but if the child is resistant, you may want to drop it and concentrate on more positive things. Remember that although your child may be manipulated, it is still their reality and you cannot force them to see otherwise, you can only keep showing them that you love them and will always do your best for them.