Holiday Blues

A common sign of a Parental Alienator is one that arbitrarily decides what the children are doing on holidays. There is no discussion as to how to have the children share time with both sides of their family, but rather a unilateral decision by the alienator as to what is 'best' for the children and if there is any time (if at all) for the children to spend time with the other parent or family.

In my situation, the mother denied complete access to the children during all holidays, including thanksgiving, father's day, Christmas, etc. stating the children where either busy or did not want to come (see 'I can't help it' post). Christmas on the second year was when she allowed the children to be with their father for 2 hours on boxing day.. just to get their presents. An event in which the children, specially the oldest, was paranoid about being late getting back home from!

Now, the mother is a little more lenient with the children being able to spend some time with their father during the holidays, however, she still arbitrarily decides what time they are to be back 'or else' (giving an air of panic and having to rush even for the time they are there), and unilaterally decides which days are hers. (ie: Christmas morning every year, thanksgiving every year, etc)

Remember that even if you are denied access to your children during holidays, to send them cards, presents and/or your love in anyway possible. Most likely they won't get it as the alienator will either refuse them, destroy them or get hide them, but it's still important to keep trying to show your children you love them no matter the obstacles.

Remember that the alienator's tactic is to hide your love from your child, then pummel them with negative images of you, how you are selfish, only care about yourself and do not love/want them. So keep sending and keep trying to get the word out that you love your children.

If possible, send gifts and cards to the alienator and his/her family as well. They may scoff at it, and throw it away, but every olive branch you send will make a minute dent in the wall of hatred on the other side. It may result in nothing, but hopefully it will make you feel better about yourself, and you never know where acts of kindness and love will take you!