Sunday, November 28, 2010

False Allegations

Unfortunately one of the alienating tactics of abusive parents is false allegations of abuse. In my situation, it was mild.. but it could have escalated easily. She had her lawyer put a letter to the father accusing him of 'inappropriate behavior'

What was described as 'inappropriate behavior' was in reality instances when the daughter crawled into bed with him some nights when she was scared. She was 7 or 8!!

There is something repulsive and vile about any human being that uses false allegations as a tactic to hurt another person. There's something even more vile and repulsive about a lawyer who knows there is nothing wrong with a 7 year old sleeping with her father, and still goes ahead and puts it in writing in order for her client to”win'. One such lawyer would be Sharon Shore of Epstein Cole in Toronto. One can only hope that the evil karma she brews in her vile attempt at making a living will one day come back to haunt her personally. Such people are a disgrace to not only women, but to the human race!

False allegations of abuse, are abuse.What is ironic in my situation is that Ms Sharon Shore is associated with the Jewish Family and Child Services centre in Toronto. They are both a child protection and advocate against the abuse of women. I find this ironic because in effect what she has done is harm abused women even more.. by perpetuating false allegations, wasting court time, police time and other social services time on these false allegations, real women who are truly abused have to wait for help.. have to suffer while people don't take them seriously because social services and police see so many false allegations.

Some people believe that imposing a penalty on women (and men), who come forward with false allegations of abuse will somehow deter real abuse victims from coming forward to seek help and justice. I find this an idiotic argument! If you are really abused, there is nothing to worry about, justice will be served. What is happening now as a result of not having any penalty for false allegations is people using the system to their advantage with no discouragement whatsoever. In fact, they are encouraged because they can do it over and over again, with no penalty, jail time or anything else while the accused party suffers emotional and financial damage! Frankly they should have penalties not only for the person doing it, but for lawyers who assist their clients with obvious false allegations as well!

As an aside, the system is so messed up, I have seen an 11 year old threaten a male friend saying she would tell her parents he touched her privates if he didn't comply with her demand to change the radio station to the channel she wanted. I have also seen my own son come home crying from grade one because some girls cornered him and told him they could beat him up, that not only he couldn't touch them, but if he even looked at them badly the police would take him to jail!

What kind of society are we building for our children! Wake up people, these are your sons and grandsons that will have to live with this in the future,and what if your daughter or grand-daughter was actually in danger? Would you not want them getting help right away? If you see false allegations, don't shrug it off.. say something. Women did not fight centuries to have rights, security and protection equal to men just to have ignorant money / power hungry women use it to their advantage! Shame on anyone that does this or helps someone do this!

Note: this blog is about FALSE allegation of abuse. If it's TRUE allegations, then that is a completely different story and has nothing to do with Parental Alienation Signs.

Friday, November 26, 2010

I can't help it

Here's a totally classic sign of an alienating parent. One that says 'I can't help how the children behave' or 'I can't make them see you if they don't want to'. I say, if you can't help how your children behave or make them do something that is in their best interest, then maybe you need parenting classes in a serious way!

These parents usually have no problem 'making' their children do their homework, clean up their room, go to the dentist, go to school or any myriad of other things the child does not want to do. However, when it comes to respecting the other parent or going on parenting time with them, the alienating parent suddenly has no parenting skills in making the child do what is best for them.. have a relationship with the other parent.

Usually, how these abusive parents work, is to show via body language, and maybe some verbal as well, how happy they are if the child does not talk to or see the other parent, and how upset they are if the child insists anyway and goes to see the other parent. Most of these parents use denial of love as a way to control the child into doing what they want.. no matter what the emotional cost to the child.

Basically, they control the child much like cult leaders control their followers... by verbal and non-verbal cues of encouragement and discouragement..mainly through denial of love and acceptance.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Us vs Me

A good sign of someone who is emeshed in their thinking with the children is a parent who constantly uses 'us'.. instead of me/I. For example, the alienating or potential alienator will say things like 'You left us', 'Your father left our family', etc. What they don't understand is that in 99.9% of cases, the parent leaving, is not leaving the children, they are leaving the other parent. Therefore, it's not 'You left us', they should be saying 'You left me'..

By lumping the children in with the situation, they are emeshed in their thinking.. they cannot differentiate between their own feelings and their own children. This is typical narcissitic personally disorder, is very easy to notice and a classic sign of an alienating parent or one that has potential of becoming one if not quickly corrected.

I strongly suggest to anyone who hears this kind of 'us' talk to quickly put a stop to it by correcting it EVERY SINGLE TIME it's said. Don't just leave it alone and think of it as an annoying thing the other parent is doing to push your buttons. It's very very important to make sure that parents gets it.. and the only way they can get it is if they are corrected every single time.

It does not have to be in a forceful way.. it can be something as simple as saying calmly .. "I did not leave my family, I left you. " or "I did not leave my children, I left you", etc. Sounds silly.. but I feel it's important and it makes an impact over time. Correct it everytime and eventually they will stop saying it and hopefully thinking it!

Also be sure to correct any family member or friend (ex?) that says any such thing as 'You left your family'. Most people don't leave their family, they leave their spouse or partner. If that's the case for you, be sure to correct it every time, said by anyone.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Call the Police

A classic example of parental alienation is to call the police at every possible opportunity. In my personal experience, I've seen the police called because the parent was there to pick up the children for parenting time, because the parent showed up at a park event to see his children, and when the parent was 15 minutes late returning the child home (and he called to let her know too!)

I've seen this parent call the police because we were 15 minutes late getting home after one parenting time. She claimed to the police that she felt her child had been abducted. The ironic thing is after embarrassing her child who had to walk past the police into her home, and annoying her father because he had to explain to the police that his ex as mentally disturbed and the police laughing and shrugging it off.. she, the ex, right in front of the police.. asks the father what time he is coming to pick up his daughter for parenting time the next day!! So wait a minute.. one second you are paranoid of abduction and then you ask the potential abductor what time they are going to pick up the child the next day??!!

An obvious use of the police as scare tactic and bullying the other parent, and possibly instilling in the child that the other parent is dangerous/not to be trusted. What these abusive parents fail to see is the harm they are doing to their own children with these behaviors; the extreme guilt the child feels for having to put up with or go along with this idiotic waste of police services time against their own parent.

What the abusive parent also fails to see, and what the general public should be very upset about.. is the waste of all tax payers money on crap like this. What women should specially be upset about.. and what I personally am livid about.. is assholes like this woman are actually helping perpetuate abuse against women. How.. because of every 10 of these useless waste of time calls, there is 1 or 2 women who actually need help from danger.. real danger... or a child that is actually abducted or missing..... and the police don't take it seriously as fast as they should because they have been 'numbed' by people like my friends ex. Personally I think the police should charge abuse of services with a fee and/or penalty.