Phone play

One method of alienation is by using the phone. The abusive parent will for example change the home phone number where the children live, and then refuse to give it to the rejected or targetted parent. She (or he) will then tell or insinuate to the children that their dad must not love them or care about them because he (or she) never calls.

This method can also be used for email or mail, whereas the alienating parent will intercept any mail or email from the other parent so that the children never get the gifts, emails, or letters and cards. Thus furthering her cause of trying to get the children to believe the other parent does not care for or love them.

Another phone tactic is to encourage by not discouraging, the children to yell at, or hang up on their parent when he does manage to get through. Alienating parents may reward this type of behavior by being nicer to the child after the deed, reading them a book, spending more time with them or any myriad of non-verbal encouragements. They will also never say 'Don't ever speak to or treat your father that way'. They will also explain this to others by saying she can't help how the children behave and that it's his fault they are mad at him.

Any good parent knows that respect for ones parents is of utmost importance. I would never dare hang up on or yell profanities at my parents, even if I felt they deserved it! These children are never taught proper parent child manners. The ironic thing is the alienator is teaching the child disrespect of a parent.. and down the road, that parent may be them!

Also, no good parent would say they can't help how the children act towards their other parent!! What are parents for but to guide children into becoming great adults. If you can't control a 10 year old and how they behave towads a parent, maybe you need some parent education classes to help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help or aiming to become a better parent by learning from others in classes or books. In fact it's admirable.

I've also seen some alienated teens say that its OK to disrespect their father because he first needs to earn their respect before they treat him better. This teens mother in this example, obviously did not instill in her daughter that parents and grandparents should have respect at all times. It's OK to disagree with them or not want to talk to them even, however it's never OK to denigrate or disrespect them privately or publicly! I find this the saddest of all as these children will one day become adults and maybe marry your or my son or daughter!! That scares me personally!!

Note: In my examples, I will assume the alienator is female and the targetted parent male, as that is how it is in my peronal situation. However, in reality alienators can be male or female.