Parental Alienation Awareness Day & Forgiveness

On this day, the day after the 6th Annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day, I wanted to share with you a true story. The below is an excerpt from an email from a alienator.. a lady who alienated her ex husband from her kids for 16+ years, and then later apologized to her ex and children. (All names removed for privacy)

"I wanted to share something with you as I listened and then read what was being said (on the radio show), I noticed that they were completely absorbed in talking about how awful alienators are and how they do it on purpose and so forth. I thot to myself, how in the heck is that helping anything???

Then I thought about what has helped me and it came to me. (My ex husband), first of all, and others such as you and Sarvy have played a big role in this...an alienator needs an environment where repentance is accepted and welcomed and forgiveness is available...and then accountability for their future behavior towards their kids, especially.

One of the reasons why talking about alienators and how bad they are is that the alienators are doing the same thing about the targeted parent. What if all those people's kids heard them talking about their mom/dad that way?

The goal is to have change, for the alienators to see their behavior is damaging, to repent (turn from it) and have forgiveness extended and then accountability. If (my ex husband) hadn't have forgiven me, I would not have had much motivation to keep changing!

It is extremely easy to alienate. It can be as simple as being silent when your child talks about their other parent or as awful as threatening to never speak to the child again if they have to do with their other parent. It also escalates very quickly.

I'm also beginning to see more and more (especially for myself) that jealousy is my BIG problem. I really struggle with that. I had so much taken away from me by my parents and want to hang on to what I have left and steal back what they stole...namely our kids loyalty, love, and affection...their souls. So I plan to study jealousy from the Bible and see how the Bible says I should handle it.

The thing is also that children who are alienated will most likely turn on their alienators someday and may also alienate the grandchildren from their alienator because they have learned that it is accepted behavior. I know that from my own experience and from what (my daughter) has said to me.

....

An additional note that I thot of, Sarvy, is surprisingly enough, I first realized that my behavior was wrong towards (my ex) and then, after reading about PA on your site and others, I realized that I had wronged our kids also. When I apologized to (my ex), I really didn't expect him to accept my apology, I just knew that it was the right thing to do. The rest of the story...you already know.


Thank you, Sarvy, for your acceptance and care you have manifested towards me. It has been a rocky road for me at times as I am healing and still dealing with alienation...didn't see that coming...the continued alienation from my family. I hope that what I am learning can be used to help others at times.

Hope this might help in some way. Sometimes when I hear people "ranting" about alienators, I want to say "wait a minute!". Because I come from a family of alienators and used to be one, I'd like to "set the record straight". But that won't accomplish much also...we want change, not more attention for them because they love attention...I try to work at what my motivations are when I talk about PA...still getting the "poison" out..."

I wanted to share this with you because this wonderful ladie's email to me gives great insight into Alienators. We all have moments where we just get so angry and frustrated with their tactics and wish horrible things on them. I'm no angel myself when it comes to my BF's ex and her family. But if we don't step back, realize that alienators also need help, and give them space and room to change by forgiving, then we are also part of the problem.