This is an interesting tactic of alienators. I used the title Mountain out of Shrubbery, 1st because I love Monty Python and second, because the mountain has barely a relationship with shrubbery (unlike a molehill), but it's still relevant as there is shrubbery on mountains.
What does all this mean? What I'm trying to say is that alienators have a knack of taking an inane everyday occurrence and turning it around into a major act of bad parenting. I'll give you some examples from the alienator in my situation.
My friend took his children to Playdium. For those of you not familiar with Playdium, it's an arcade center where kids play games and win tickets, then at the end, they can take those tickets and trade them in for prizes. The more tickets, the better the prize. I believe Sylvan learning centers also work like this concept, the better you do at homework, the more stars or tickets you get and then you can trade them in for prizes.
Well, my friend took his children to Playdium on one of this parenting weekends. They were around 8 and 12 or so. Next thing he knows he's hit with a motion from the kids mother, the alienator, that he is a horrible parent and has taken the children to a 'gambling establishment'!
Again, many things are wrong with this scenario besides the obvious. One is that the same shameful human being Sharon Shore of Epstein Cole in Toronto, actually puts such crap into legal documetion just to harass my friend, waste court time and obviously make more money for her! Secondly, the children wanted to go to Playdium because the weekend before one of them was at a friends birthday party held at Playdium (which I guess the mother had no issue about as they were not with their father), and thirdly, this is coming from a woman who took her children to Las Vegas hotels and gambling establishments herself!
Again, if two innocent children and thousand of dollars wasted on bullshit like this were not involved, this is so ridiculous, it's hilarious. I bet Monty Python would have a hay day with it even!
There are many examples of things like this. Again from my situation... 7 year old daughter going into dads bed at night becomes 'inappropriate behavior' on the part of the father, taking the daughter to a park and talking to kids at the park becomes 'dangerous irresponsible' behavior on the part of the father, father being late for drop off by 10 minutes becomes 'abduction', father taking the kids out for ice cream becomes 'feeds them nothing but junk food'.. and so on. I think you get my drift.
Alienators will pick at minute, mundane events and turn them into giant mountains of concern that they need to 'protect' the children from. They seem to have no concept of reasonable behavior, and interestingly enough cannot see any of their own parenting or human flaws. They are obsessed and focused on finding every little thing they can to exaggerate how 'bad' a parent the other person is, and how 'good' a parent they are. What is sad about all this and why education and awareness is so important, is that some lawyers encourage this type of behavior (such as Sharon Shore of Epstein Cole) by putting it into legal documentation!
Maybe you have some examples of this kind of behavior.. ridiculous things that everyday people have no issue with but the alianator has turned into a 'mountain'. Share it with me and others on this blog.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Blame it on the children
We just got this email last night from the abuser in my situation. I wanted to share it with you all because it's an excellent example of how alienators manipulate everything to make it seem like their abuse is really for the sake of the children. BTW, this occured after 7 years of not following her own agreement, but now that child support (ie: money) is in question, she is using it as a form of control over my friend. This is also a very common form of alienation as alienators need to have control, that is what it's all about!
So let's look at her email:
"In observance of our agreement I would like to reiterate your access.
Wednesday evening and every second Saturday.
...
Please observe the schedule and refrain from involving/ pressuring the girls
into agreeing to break the set schedule. When you do so they feel
unnecessary guilt which creates unwarranted conflicts. "
The sentence to note is in bold and underlined.
What she is really saying is that even if the girls want to see you or want you to pick them up from school/work, you need to decline because they know the schedule now, and I will make them feel damn guilty about it for seeing you outside of it!
I co-parent with my ex, and the children come and go as they wish even if it's against our 'set schedule', they never ever feel any 'unnecessary guilt' or have 'unwarranted conflicts'. This is because my ex and I love them more than to use them in our petty conflicts, and put their happiness first.
It is disturbing and disgusting to hide self-centered behavior behind the pretense of 'what is best for the children'. What is best for children is for them to feel free to love and see both their parents as they wish without manipulation. My friends children are not retarded or stupid. They are just as smart and able as other children and capable of adjusting to things as long as both their parents encourage them to. It's when one side, like this alienator, manipulates them that 'unwarranted conflicts' arise!
This is very sad for all involved, especially the children. However, it is also a great example of how alienators twist things to make it look like they are watching out for their children, not themselves.
Notice how before it was 'I can't help it, the children don't want to see you and making them would cause pain/suffering/guilt', and now it's 'be a good father and stop making the children want to see you as it's causing them pain/suffering/guilt'. In either case she is hiding her self-interest behind the rouse that it's for the children's sake and trying to make him look like a 'bad parent' for wanting what is really best for his children.
So let's look at her email:
"In observance of our agreement I would like to reiterate your access.
Wednesday evening and every second Saturday.
...
Please observe the schedule and refrain from involving/ pressuring the girls
into agreeing to break the set schedule. When you do so they feel
unnecessary guilt which creates unwarranted conflicts. "
The sentence to note is in bold and underlined.
What she is really saying is that even if the girls want to see you or want you to pick them up from school/work, you need to decline because they know the schedule now, and I will make them feel damn guilty about it for seeing you outside of it!
I co-parent with my ex, and the children come and go as they wish even if it's against our 'set schedule', they never ever feel any 'unnecessary guilt' or have 'unwarranted conflicts'. This is because my ex and I love them more than to use them in our petty conflicts, and put their happiness first.
It is disturbing and disgusting to hide self-centered behavior behind the pretense of 'what is best for the children'. What is best for children is for them to feel free to love and see both their parents as they wish without manipulation. My friends children are not retarded or stupid. They are just as smart and able as other children and capable of adjusting to things as long as both their parents encourage them to. It's when one side, like this alienator, manipulates them that 'unwarranted conflicts' arise!
This is very sad for all involved, especially the children. However, it is also a great example of how alienators twist things to make it look like they are watching out for their children, not themselves.
Notice how before it was 'I can't help it, the children don't want to see you and making them would cause pain/suffering/guilt', and now it's 'be a good father and stop making the children want to see you as it's causing them pain/suffering/guilt'. In either case she is hiding her self-interest behind the rouse that it's for the children's sake and trying to make him look like a 'bad parent' for wanting what is really best for his children.
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