Blame it on the children

We just got this email last night from the abuser in my situation. I wanted to share it with you all because it's an excellent example of how alienators manipulate everything to make it seem like their abuse is really for the sake of the children. BTW, this occured after 7 years of not following her own agreement, but now that child support (ie: money) is in question, she is using it as a form of control over my friend. This is also a very common form of alienation as alienators need to have control, that is what it's all about!

So let's look at her email:
"In observance of our agreement I would like to reiterate your access.
Wednesday evening and every second Saturday.
...
Please observe the schedule and refrain from involving/ pressuring the girls
into agreeing to break the set schedule. When you do so they feel
unnecessary guilt which creates unwarranted conflicts. "

The sentence to note is in bold and underlined.
What she is really saying is that even if the girls want to see you or want you to pick them up from school/work, you need to decline because they know the schedule now, and I will make them feel damn guilty about it for seeing you outside of it!

I co-parent with my ex, and the children come and go as they wish even if it's against our 'set schedule', they never ever feel any 'unnecessary guilt' or have 'unwarranted conflicts'. This is because my ex and I love them more than to use them in our petty conflicts, and put their happiness first.
It is disturbing and disgusting to hide self-centered behavior behind the pretense of 'what is best for the children'. What is best for children is for them to feel free to love and see both their parents as they wish without manipulation. My friends children are not retarded or stupid. They are just as smart and able as other children and capable of adjusting to things as long as both their parents encourage them to. It's when one side, like this alienator, manipulates them that 'unwarranted conflicts' arise!

This is very sad for all involved, especially the children. However, it is also a great example of how alienators twist things to make it look like they are watching out for their children, not themselves.

Notice how before it was 'I can't help it, the children don't want to see you and making them would cause pain/suffering/guilt', and now it's 'be a good father and stop making the children want to see you as it's causing them pain/suffering/guilt'. In either case she is hiding her self-interest behind the rouse that it's for the children's sake and trying to make him look like a 'bad parent' for wanting what is really best for his children.

School Play

A very common sign of a parental alienator is a person who refuses to share when school plays, recitals, sports games, parent teacher nights and any other event special to the child is happening to the other parent. These parents may even go so far as to request that the school or sports team take part in the alienation and not inform the other parent of any functions or important events.

In this way, the alienating parent can re-enforce their message to the child(ren) that the other parent does not care about them, therefore is not showing up to their special functions.

In my situation, the alienator did try to stop the childrens school from informing the father of functions and such, however, the school abided by the law and once approached with documentation by the father, did report functions and events to a small extent.

The alienator in my situation also refrained from telling the father about any school activities, functions and so on. Causing the children to feel that their father did not care about them, and re-enforcing her message that their father had abandoned them.

What these alienators don't realize with their self-centered ego-centric tactics is that they are harming and depriving their own children of happy childhood memories. Very sad for all involved!