A very common form of parental alienation is to involve the children in child support matters or finance matters. There is never any need for this, as it is extermely damaging to the child (as per the many adult children of alienation I've spoken to). The alienator may make the excuse that they are only telling the children the 'truth' or that children should be aware of finances, when in reality the only reason to tell the child about financial issues (ie: who pays for what) or child support is to make themselves look like the victim and the other parent look like they dont' care about the children. Children should be allowed to have a childhood free of these issues! Any parent who loves their children would ensure this and not drag children into their selfish motives of trying to make the other parent look bad.
What these alienating parents will often do is only point out the negatives of finances and never the positives. For example, they would never say 'You should thank you dad for buying you school supplies every year.' or 'That's great that your dad was able to take you to wonderland' , but would rather say 'Your dad is not paying his half of the kazoo payments, I had to pay it all' (note how they make themselves look like the 'hero' and the other parent like the heel) or 'Why would your dad pay for XYZ, he must love child #2 better, or he must be hiding money!'
Financial issues are adult matters. If you love your children, keep them out of it, and tell them only positives of the other parent. Remember that your 'truth' is just that, yours. Other people may see it differently.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Phone play
One method of alienation is by using the phone. The abusive parent will for example change the home phone number where the children live, and then refuse to give it to the rejected or targetted parent. She (or he) will then tell or insinuate to the children that their dad must not love them or care about them because he (or she) never calls.
This method can also be used for email or mail, whereas the alienating parent will intercept any mail or email from the other parent so that the children never get the gifts, emails, or letters and cards. Thus furthering her cause of trying to get the children to believe the other parent does not care for or love them.
Another phone tactic is to encourage by not discouraging, the children to yell at, or hang up on their parent when he does manage to get through. Alienating parents may reward this type of behavior by being nicer to the child after the deed, reading them a book, spending more time with them or any myriad of non-verbal encouragements. They will also never say 'Don't ever speak to or treat your father that way'. They will also explain this to others by saying she can't help how the children behave and that it's his fault they are mad at him.
Any good parent knows that respect for ones parents is of utmost importance. I would never dare hang up on or yell profanities at my parents, even if I felt they deserved it! These children are never taught proper parent child manners. The ironic thing is the alienator is teaching the child disrespect of a parent.. and down the road, that parent may be them!
Also, no good parent would say they can't help how the children act towards their other parent!! What are parents for but to guide children into becoming great adults. If you can't control a 10 year old and how they behave towads a parent, maybe you need some parent education classes to help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help or aiming to become a better parent by learning from others in classes or books. In fact it's admirable.
I've also seen some alienated teens say that its OK to disrespect their father because he first needs to earn their respect before they treat him better. This teens mother in this example, obviously did not instill in her daughter that parents and grandparents should have respect at all times. It's OK to disagree with them or not want to talk to them even, however it's never OK to denigrate or disrespect them privately or publicly! I find this the saddest of all as these children will one day become adults and maybe marry your or my son or daughter!! That scares me personally!!
Note: In my examples, I will assume the alienator is female and the targetted parent male, as that is how it is in my peronal situation. However, in reality alienators can be male or female.
This method can also be used for email or mail, whereas the alienating parent will intercept any mail or email from the other parent so that the children never get the gifts, emails, or letters and cards. Thus furthering her cause of trying to get the children to believe the other parent does not care for or love them.
Another phone tactic is to encourage by not discouraging, the children to yell at, or hang up on their parent when he does manage to get through. Alienating parents may reward this type of behavior by being nicer to the child after the deed, reading them a book, spending more time with them or any myriad of non-verbal encouragements. They will also never say 'Don't ever speak to or treat your father that way'. They will also explain this to others by saying she can't help how the children behave and that it's his fault they are mad at him.
Any good parent knows that respect for ones parents is of utmost importance. I would never dare hang up on or yell profanities at my parents, even if I felt they deserved it! These children are never taught proper parent child manners. The ironic thing is the alienator is teaching the child disrespect of a parent.. and down the road, that parent may be them!
Also, no good parent would say they can't help how the children act towards their other parent!! What are parents for but to guide children into becoming great adults. If you can't control a 10 year old and how they behave towads a parent, maybe you need some parent education classes to help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help or aiming to become a better parent by learning from others in classes or books. In fact it's admirable.
I've also seen some alienated teens say that its OK to disrespect their father because he first needs to earn their respect before they treat him better. This teens mother in this example, obviously did not instill in her daughter that parents and grandparents should have respect at all times. It's OK to disagree with them or not want to talk to them even, however it's never OK to denigrate or disrespect them privately or publicly! I find this the saddest of all as these children will one day become adults and maybe marry your or my son or daughter!! That scares me personally!!
Note: In my examples, I will assume the alienator is female and the targetted parent male, as that is how it is in my peronal situation. However, in reality alienators can be male or female.
Introduction
I've been working with issues of Parental Alienation through creating Parental Alienation Awareness Day April 25th and Parental Alienation Awareness Organization for over 5 years now. I was thinking it would be a good idea to just post signs of Parental Alienation in a blog. Feel free to comment or add your own!
This is from 5 years of personal experience (no, my children are not alienated, my ex and I love them more than we dislike each other) through my friend, plus hundreds of stories, phone calls and emails from people all over the world experiencing Parental Alienation, either as a parent, or child.
This blog is not meant to be taken as any form of advise, or recommendation. It's just information and throughts from my personal experience to be used at your own discretion. This blog is also my own personal opinion and thoughts and has nothing to do with anyone else.
This is from 5 years of personal experience (no, my children are not alienated, my ex and I love them more than we dislike each other) through my friend, plus hundreds of stories, phone calls and emails from people all over the world experiencing Parental Alienation, either as a parent, or child.
This blog is not meant to be taken as any form of advise, or recommendation. It's just information and throughts from my personal experience to be used at your own discretion. This blog is also my own personal opinion and thoughts and has nothing to do with anyone else.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)